And then tongue-twisters will make us extinct

Free Gold Rings for Babies with Tamil Names

Shrewd politics. Rude politics. And even lewd politics. Just when you thought you’ve seen it all, they hit you with a new twist. I don’t know what name to give it, but I’ll bet this is the most creative politics I have ever heard of.

Now we can all agree that the TN government has always defined new lows when it comes to “protecting their language and culture” (intentional over-emphasis on the exaggerated air-quotes). Tax breaks for movies with Tamil names. Banning non-Tamil languages in all government schools. Dubbing all national TV shows into Tamil, including Chandrakanta, Shaktimaan, Shanti, Mahabharat and even Jungle Book! Well, this time they have clearly outdone themselves, people!

The Mrs has made my day by contributing this link. This is the kind of newspaper headline I would send to Reader’s Digest to get paid for contributing jokes. What will they come up with next? My best guess: free engineering college admission if you answer your Board exam English paper in Tamil. Or better still, no taxes if you use only Tamil numerals in your company’s balance sheet.

While we can all agree there is no flawless government policy, an interesting loophole comes to mind: what language do names like Gita, Raja, etc fall under? Maybe they’ll have to be Geethai and Raajan respectively.

And what if I give my kid a Tamil name and then change it after pocketing the ring? Do you think they will put enough real gold in it to cover the cost of the change-of-name application form?

No matter how that turns out, be prepared for the latest trend in next-generation names like Poongoththai, Anbazhagan, Tamizhselvi and Thirunaavurkkarasu.

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12 comments

  1. By far, your most humorous blog. Don’t be too proud, for a lot of credit goes to the government back home. By the way, I am sure you’ll make some money if you just send Reader’s Digest the link to this article in the paper and finally realize your childhood dream. After that, as a token of gratitude you can contribute the money to the gold-ring scheme.

  2. @ Manoj – Thanks for the compliments as well as for the reality check πŸ™‚ As for the contribution there’s no way I’m going to associate myself with such a political masterpiece πŸ˜›

    @ Shreyan – Votes in 2014. Color TV, rice, gold rings – they have covered everything. What the future will bring, we can only wonder… 😐

    @ Mrunal – Good find. The one big reason why non-Tamils wont take this opportunity is that they wont be able to pronounce their own kids’ names: “T and A, stop fighting and do your homework!” πŸ˜€

    • I wouldn’t go that far, my friend… because you and I, our families and friends are from that same country. Let’s just say all of the ‘non-fools’ among us haven’t been able to do anything collectively to stop these fools from rising to the top

  3. seriously… Jungle Book too? and the title song?
    jungle jungle baat chali hai pata chala hai..
    chaddi pehen ke phool khila hai..phool khila hai

    can you provide a tamil rendition for this? thanks πŸ™‚

    • Oh yes. The title song is nothing like the Hindi one. It has been twisted out of shape into a slow melody, which sounds like someone practising on their keyboard at home. Only thing missing are the Casio electronic beats. Looked for the Tamil song btw, but couldnt find it 😦

      And did you know the show was actually a Japanese amine series, which DD dubbed into Hindi?

    • True, Prabhjot. Maybe someone should keep track of all these ‘innovative’ schemes. It’ll be a great collection for future generations πŸ™‚


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