Shopping Survival Tips

DOs and DONTs for guys (reluctantly) tagging along at a gem and jewellery expo:

(a.k.a. “Ah, the things I have to endure to get my wife to watch headache-inducing 3D movies with me!”)

DO

  • Be prepared to run into every fellow South Indian living on the East Coast
  • Buy some jewellery imported from India, even if only to export it to Indian relatives, saying “I got this for you from America!”
  • Do one of these to avoid dying of boredom
  1. Fiddle with your iPhone
  2. Watch your baby fiddling
  3. Watch others’ babies fiddling
  4. Laugh (not aloud) at other men’s  bored expressions
  5. Bring your dad / dad-in-law along to fight boredom together
  6. Stare at what everyone else is eating

DON’T

  • Do not stare at other women, no matter what they are doing/eating/buying/trying on
  • Do not say “Why do I have to go to a jewellery expo? I don’t expect you to come with me to watch belly-dancing, right?”
  • If there are no mirrors around, do not offer your shoulder for Her Highness to see how a Pashmina shawl looks. You WILL get laughed at from all the other women around. Aloud. True story.
  • Do not show any interest in the featured exhibits. There is a slight probability you might find yourself lagging behind while she has moved on to the next stall (and that’s a big NO-NO)
  • If you don’t like something, just say so. Do not make a funny “YUCK!” face. Especially when the stall owner is looking.
  • And don’t use the phrase “looks like the carcass of a golden, gem-studded porcupine” either
  • Do not point and laugh at a sign saying “Pandora-inspired”. The dealer for those funny, blue-striped beads will turn out to be a 6-feet tall, 6-feet wide bodybuilder.
  • Do not say, “Who’s gonna wear THAT?” Think it, just don’t say it.
  • Do not plan your exit based on the wife’s hunger-time. She will most likely be too full from all those carats (good one, eh?)
  • Do not pull someone else’s hand in a hurry to move on to the next stall
  • Do not stare at a group of single men. Apparently they do shop for jewellery (Who knew?)
  • Do not say “Oh, I’m just looking” to a seller of precious stones. It will most certainly be followed by a “You poor bastard” look.
  • Do not lie if asked “did we see those stalls already?” It is a trick question.
  • Do not answer when asked “how does this look on me?” There is no answer.

Dear ladies,

As you can clearly see above, there is not much for a guy to DO at a jewellery expo. I rest my case.

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5 comments

  1. lol..so u finally went for it. K asked his friend and his wife to join us the last we went. To me, he said, “she can suggest better than me on what suits you and what doesnt.” And to his friend, he said, “It gets so boring at these places without a male company. I know my wife wouldnt even look for me unless she needs me to pay for something.”

    And yeah, I got some of those ‘imported from India’ for my Indian cousin 😀 We would have gone this year too, if K has some male company 😀 I asked his friends’ wives. They wanted to go but the husbands lured them away with better propositions for v-day!

    So true about Indians at these shows. It is almost like a show for the Indians, by the Indians.

  2. lolzzzzz hillarious… you witty solution would really solve or rather save men from a lot of trouble… but guess theirs no cure to going jewellery shopping 😛 men are bound to tag along 😀
    enjoyable post 😀

  3. @mrunalini – Sounds like you could’ve written this post yourself. Wait a minute… you were the one shopping busily! Sorry. My bad. 😛

    @Rajlakshmi – Thank you. And I admit, there’s no cure at all 😦


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