Me: No! NO!! NO!!! DON’T TOUCH THAT!!!
Wife: The radio?
Wife: Why not?
Me: They’ll read the news!
Me: They’ll reveal who won the AWARDS!!
Me: I’m going to stay away from all news sources today. No radio, no paper, no browsing. Nothing!
Wife: What will you do all day in the office then?
Me: Very funny
It has been 1 hour and 15 minutes since that conversation in the car. Feels like ages ago. Time is like a diarrheic fat guy who keeps you nervously pacing outside the only usable bathroom in the vicinity. The more badly you need to go, the longer he takes. You know the feeling.
And the wife was right. How am I supposed to get through the day if I don’t surf the net? Well, I can get some work done for a change, but what’s the fun in that? The trick is to maximize income while minimizing effort. The motto of my generation. Anyway, I digress.
Afternoon. I’ve been good thus far. No news, no blogs, no twitter, no work. And no email from anyone either. I checked my Gmail for the twentieth time in as many minutes. What’s wrong with everyone? Why does no one write to me? Don’t I have friends anymore? To HELL with all of you! My shopping list for my next visit home just got a lot shorter.
Finally a scapegoat crosses my path on Gtalk.
Me: dude. wassup.
Raj: hey dude. how’s life?
Me: nothing new, boss. just sitting here in the office, trying to while the time away…
Raj: bored, huh?
Me: you have no idea
Raj: watched the Oscars? Jeff Bridges won Best Actor
Me: DUUUUUUDE!!!!! Stop! STOP! RIGHT NOW! STOP TYPING
Me: I didn’t catch the show last night, man. I’m trying to stay away from all the ‘spoiler’ news so I can go stream it tonight once I reach home
Raj: sorry, dude. didn’t know
Me: that’s ok. i should’ve started with a warning
Raj: how come YOU didn’t watch it, dude? in the US too! even i watched it live, all the way from india
Me: i know, i know… i didn’t bother to get a tv, thinking my laptop will be good enough for everything. i forgot there was something called live television 😦
Raj: so you have absolutely no idea as to who won what, etc?
Me: no, man. and please don’t ruin it for me…
Raj: so guess which movie won the Oscar last night 😀 😀 😀
Like I said, I have no friends.
Evening. At last. Picked up wife at her office. She proposes eating out. Says ‘too hungry to cook’. I manage to sell the idea of the nearest pizza place. Plan: order, grab a bite, quick exit. Walking in, looking up… HOLY CRAP, there’s a TV here! The next hour was painfully long. Wife has already caught up on all the news at her office. So I sit facing a window. That’s reflecting the idiot box. Aw, hell!
Wife: I still can’t understand why Hurt Locker… (gasp!)
Me: MY ENTIRE DAY!!! Aaaaarrrggghhh!
Home. Laptop. Oscars.com. Videos. Play.
Weird-looking chick: Welcome to the 2010 Oscars Red Carpet…. blah, blah, blah…
Funny-looking dude: For the first time in history, we are streaming the entire ceremony LIVE! Which means RIGHT NOW, you could be watching this on your computer or mobile phone!
Palm. Forehead. Slap! Repeat.