Goobledygook

Hello world!

It’s been almost a year, huh? Don’t worry, I’m still alive and getting kicked. I have tried to abstain from this favorite pastime to motivate myself to pursue some goals. You know how we men are; we don’t give unless you take something away from us.

Anyway, I’m back now and hopefully regular too. And I’m proud to report that all those goals are still as far away as they were. Sometimes you need to let the donkey nibble at the carrot too, if you want him to keep pulling your fat ass. (In case you didn’t get that, take a teaspoonful of seawater and drown in it).

I visited my own blog yesterday after a billion years (just to see if WordPress has still kept it alive). And here’s the biggest surprise: it’s been receiving a steady stream of a small number of visitors every day. Do you know how happy that makes me? FINALLY there are at least 2 people in the world who are more jobless than I am! I love you guys, whoever you are.

Among the biggest developments during this hiatus, here’s the most significant: a busload of my relatives have now gnawed their way into my online life. Frankly it’s too late for me now to join the “Help! My parents are on Facebook” page. When my DNA network infiltrated my social network, my first thought was, “Oh, shit! Now I have to censor all the weird thoughts that I type here”.

But for some strange reason I now have an inexplicable urge to write down more and more naughty crap like “fat ass”, “shit” and of course “crap”. Maybe I’ll soon add “farts” and “butt-cracks” to my regular vocabulary. It’s as if my online persona has grown a tail. And I just want to keep waving it around behind me, just to see what I can knock off and get away with. It feels so liberating because I’ve always been sort of a goody-goody nice guy. Heck, I never even swear at anyone.

Except at my wife, but only when she punches me really hard. And that’s something I never understand, because I honestly believe I’m a great catch. Why would anyone want to punch a smart, sophisticated guy like me with cute looks and a killer sense of humor? Take for instance, just this morning, when the missus came back from the bathroom and asked, “Was it you who turned off the humidifier?”

Me: “Nope”

She: “So was it already off?”

Me: “Nope”

She: “Then?”

Me: “I turned it off”

Another punch! Now do you believe me when I say she doesn’t have a funnybone? But hey, I’m not complaining. There are still at least 2 people in the world somewhere, who do get my humor.